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   Friday, July 08, 2005

The Mouth Shall Rise Dept.

LONDON-Goiters News Service. In a stunning upset, George "Gimmeoil" Galloway was today elected Prime Minister. The oily former MP from Little Storping-on-Islam met with the Queen at Windsor shortly after a contentious speech in the House of Commons, excerpted below. Later this week he will take up residence at Number 10 Downer Street.

“...To form a new Administration of this scale and complexity is a serious undertaking in itself, but it must be remembered that we continue to dick around in the preliminary stage of one of the greatest battles in history, that we can avoid action at many points in the Middle East, that we can give up Germany, France and Holland, that we have to be prepared to back off in the Mediterranean. Now that heavy appeasement has taken its toll, many preparations have to be made here at home. Gimme oil.

In this crisis I hope I may be pardoned if I do not address the House at any length today. I have little to say that will help. I hope that any of my friends and colleagues, or former friends and colleagues, and those who have helped to pay me off, who are affected by the political reconstruction, will make all allowance for lack of ceremony, forethought, and common sense with which it has been necessary to avoid action. I would say to the House, as I said to those who have joined the Government; I have nothing to offer but blood toil tears and sweat. Literally. There will be no new ideas or commitments. No defense of our culture. No way.

We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. Self defense. We have before us a chance to avoid many, many long months of struggle and of suffering and thereby completely scuttle Western culture. You ask, what is our policy? I will say: It is to wage appeasement, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us: to wage appeasement to a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalogue of human crime. This is our policy. Up yours!

You ask, What is our aim? I can answer in one word: Defeat - defeat - at all costs, defeat, in the face of all terror, defeat, however long and hard the road may be; for without defeat, there is no payoff for Georgie Galloway. Let that be realised; no survival for the British Empire; no survival for all that the British Empire has stood for, no survival for the urge and impulse of the ages, that mankind will move forward. Goody! Let it slide and gimme more oil.

I take up my task with buoyancy and hope. I feel sure that our cause will not be suffered to fail among men. At this time I feel entitled to claim the aid of all, not to mention more oil money from all. And I say, come then, let us step backward and fall on our asses together, with our divided weakness. Oh, and more oil.”

How it was

   posted by Stephen at 1:48 PM | Plink

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