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DoggerelPundit |
Sunday, July 06, 2003 Since its debut in 1879 at the Savoy Theater in London, there have been many many parodies of the favorite of the Pirates of Penzance, namely “I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General.” It was, of course, originally a send-up; skewering the form-over-function incompetence inherent in the command-by-class system rife in the British Military of the time. I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Media-Journalist (with thanks in perpetuity to William Schwenck Gilbert) I am the very model of a modern Media-Journalist, I‘ve information biased, bogus, banal and paternalist, I know the talking heads and every bureau puke and oracle from A-B-C to C-N-N in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted, too, with schedules for sabbatical, I live to write a sentence that’s both simple and grammatical, I’m good at leading questions, and my team puts out a lot o' news, With many damning facts for which, at times, fact-checking’s not in use! ALL: With many damning facts for which, at times, fact-checking’s not in use! With many damning facts for which, at times, fact-checking’s not in use! With many damning facts for which, at times, fact-checking’s not, oh not in use! I’m very good at racial stereotyping and diversity, I know the ‘scientific names’ endorsing this perversity, In short, in matters biased, bogus, banal and paternalist, I am the very model of a modern Media-Journalist. ALL: In short, in matters biased, bogus, banal and paternalist, He is the very model of a modern Media-Journalist. I’m full of mythic history, rewritten so it’s ‘relevant’; I like my coffee caustic, I’ve a pretty taste for Volauvent, I quote in daily articles the views of quasi socialists, In columns I accede to notions from post-modern notionalists; I can tell un-Dowded talking points from those in New York Magazine, I help the croaking chorus bitch at 'nonsequences' unforeseen! Then I am in a business you’d mistake for Gilbert’s Pinafore, If not for validation, it’s a mystery what I’m in it for! ALL: If not for validation, it’s a mystery what he’s in it for! If not for validation, it’s a mystery what he’s in it for! If not for validation, it’s a mystery what he’s in it, in it for! Then I can write a memo with Orwellian verisimilitude, And tell you ev’ry detail of how Donaldson’s toupee is glued: In short, in matters biased, bogus, banal and paternalist, I am the very model of a modern Media-Journalist. ALL: In short, in matters biased, bogus, banal and paternalist, He is the very model of a modern Media-Journalist. In fact, when I know what is meant by “permalink” and “Blogosphere,” When I can tell at sight a hunting rifle from a frogging spear, When I know Stars’ affaires ain’t news and how our coverage went awry, And when I know precisely what is meant by who, what, where ‘n why. When I have learnt what progress has been made in free economy, When I know more of ethics, real science, and isonomy, In short, when I’ve a smattering of what is news, not punditry, You’ll say a better Media-Journalist has never done dead-tree! ALL: You’ll say a better Media-Journalist has never done dead-tree! You’ll say a better Media-Journalist has never done dead-tree!. You’ll say a better Media-Journalist has never done dead, done dead-tree! For my journalistic knowledge, though not firm or evidentiary, Is what I learned in Journal’ School and really so last century, But still, in matters biased, bogus, banal and paternalist, I am the very model of a modern Media-Journalist. ALL: But still, in matters biased, bogus, banal and paternalist, He is the very model of a modern Media-Journalist.
posted by Stephen at 11:49 PM | Plink
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