Tuesday, January 07, 2003
New Diet
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Resolutions time again! Comes now the jolly time to list
Solutions to our lapses, posed to make our lives work better.
Complaining less or reading extra, sand the table, build a home;
The toughest goal of all to reach is fitting that new sweater.
Regimens are legion now; on TV or in books are found the
Methods used for shedding pounds, done one or more together.
Of course, the most successful yet are Anorexics—thin, you bet,
But what if you’re two-fingers shy or no good with a feather?
Clearly, method now is wanting curing this revulsion for the
Poking, prodding, tickling side of weight loss by self purging.
Lucky then are we that these mnemonics show a different way,
Where we can be a-slimming now, through dissertative urging:
To go completely off your feed,
Read each week an Ivins screed.
Krugman makes a body queasy,
Oatmeal please, and take it easy.
Rall cartoons are on the net
And from his last I’m nauseous yet.
Cockburn sets a stomach whirling,
Stuff from Streisand causes hurling.
Chomsky’s writing, I believe,
Is worth one ounce at every heave.
Carter causes ripples gastric,
He alone, four pounds—fantastic!
Table Fisking trims the bubble,
Eat a bite then throw up double.
Sheen, your appetite he’ll sever,
Snack, and bear Sarandon? Never!
See fat Moore his world expose
and fear your plate forever!
Many thanks to Rachel’s resolution # 15 for the idea
posted by Stephen at 7:19 AM | Plink
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